Nobama, The Sausage, and the celebrity obsessed Indian Chief

Several hilarious things just happened in the past 5 minutes. 

A customer just told me (and several other customers) that he has an SKS with a bullet in it for Obama...

A man bought a pickled sausage, insisting that I dip it out myself, he refused my offer to put it in a baggie and just grabbed it WITH HIS FIST FULL OF MONEY!!!

Aaaaaand to top it off a VERY elderly man came in asking if Brett Butler had been in lately, apparently he has a bit of a crush.   "When she was talk'n to me that day i figured she was a loonie toonie...but yer mama told me she was jest a celeburty.....makes sense.   Tell her The Old Indian Chief said hello"

3 brilliant customers in a row!!!   WHAT A FUCKIN DAY SO FAR!!!!!


oh, also, two nights ago me and my mother were ambushed by a Meth-head weilding a knife and a rock (igneous---not crack).   The police let the guy go and refused to give us his name!   More on that one later, im still too angry to write it.  Don't wanna say something i'll regret (or something that could be held against me in a court of law)

Gettin paid...Gettin laid...

Lady with too much perfume enters the store:
"HOW YOU DOIN' TONIGHT?!?"

"Uh...im fine.   How are you?"   (I honestly dont care how you are but i have the habit of greeting customers in the same way they greet me.  If someone says "Howdy" or "Sup?"  i usually reply with the exact same thing... kinda like a parrot.  An overweight, homicidal parrot.)

"OOooOOOOooooooOhhh Hoooney, tonights the night.  Ima win me some money, get fucked up and get laid!"

Before i could conjur up an image in my mind of what kind of creature would plant his penis inside of this beast she decided to describe him for me...  I'll spare you the details about his "wrongful conviction", tattoos, and muscles and get straight to the point:  "He's got a big ol' dick!"  

Awesome.  I now have enough details to fuel my nightmares for many moons to come.  Thanks. 

You call it strange.  I call it Saturday. 

The Bludgeoning of a Lifetime.

The Lotto Rep is here.   She looks like Dog The Bounty Hunter's wife crossed between Sonic the Hedgehog.  She is soooo sweet.  Too sweet actually.  Im sure if i were to slit her throat (which i dream about every time i see her) chocolate syrup and sprinkles would pour forth. 

Her Lotto propaganda sickens me.  She has all kinds of stats about how much dough we have raised for pre-K education, blah blah.   She could be talking about how many little boys she blew last week, it doesnt matter.  I quit listening long ago.   Lady...it's gambling...it sells itself. 

One day during her rambling i decided to interupt her with some stats of my own, "Do you know the poorest county in georgia is the one that spends the most on lottery?"

She was not impressed with my Googling abilities.  

Anyway...I hope theres never a cure for Lotto Fever.  I'll be out of a damn job.